Early Mornings and a Fool's Battlefield
by Chaotic Serenity
Summary: Mulder is introduced to a new type of warfare...Vignette: Humor


Early Mornings and a Fool's Battle

_Author's Notes:_Okay, Chao-chan is **attempting **humor.Keep in mind that I thrive better on angst, but after writing my first real light-hearted story last night, I'm willing to try a hand with X-Files.

**Warnings:**Well, Scully gets angry…Oh, and Mulder threatens a child!(Not anything serious!)

**Archive:**:steals away the idea of giving permission to archive from another author:Just notify me if you do.I don't care, but it's nice to know where everything's going.

**Disclaimer:**:rolls eyes:If I owned them, do you think I'd be writing the fanfic?

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**Early Mornings and a Fool's Battlefield**

Muscles tensed, taunt with the adrenaline rush of mêlée, Mulder stealthily crept along the rim of the sand-colored table, his hands running lightly across cool wood exterior as he quietly prepared for the next round of attack.His pervicacious nature refused him even the slightest allowances of failure, and this time, the battle was personal.That last round of ammunition fired at him had been completely unexpected, a sneak attack, more or less, cheating.Well, it was in his opinion anyway.He was still fired up about starting the fight in the first place.

Unfortunately, his only defense was his skill at obreption, one that had taken years to refine and was finally paying off.Shoes carefully removed and specially placed away from the scene of skirmish, Mulder slid across silently across the floor, slithering surreptitiously across the tile-paved floors as a snake does upon the grass covered gardens.

He could not lose!He just could not!Only a cruel immortal would allow such a transgression such as his enemy had made against Scully and himself without avengement.There just had to be a way…

Suddenly, his world was one of rotating colors as he jerked to side, rolling, to avoid the next barrage of enemy shots.Bombarded by a hail of fire from his dangerous _le****chat **qui** **dort**_, Mulder tumbled away, his head narrowly missing one of the antagonist's brutal attacks.

For fear that his foeman still had much ammunition to spare, the former agent continued his rotational retreat from the area, stopping only when a pair of well-polished high heels appeared suddenly in his visions.Mind focused only the need to retreat, Mulder turned to move again, desperately trying to escape, when suddenly a gurgle sounded from behind, and a split second later, a spoonful of mashed peas landed with a resounding plop! on the back of his neck.

"Nooooooo!"His monotonous wail sounded throughout the kitchen boundaries only to be answered by the cruel laughter of a small toddler and a woman's exasperated sigh.

"You know, Mulder, simply removing the food from Will would have made this situation a lot easier to cope with."

The prostrated man grew silent, a blush creeping to his cheeks.For a moment, he lay without a word.Finally, he lifted his head from the cool, somewhat dusty tile and dared to glance up at his lover.

Scully's eyes were hard with reprimand, her usual severity towards his actions displayed in her blue-green eyes.Right now the shadowy light made them more of a stunning aqua, but Mulder guessed it wasn't a good time to point that out.More importantly, she had changed from the blouse little William had so unceremoniously decided needed some more color-a mix of carrot mush orange and green pea had been his two most prominent choices-and was ready to go, unlike he.

Mulder moved to get up, when suddenly that delinquent nature of his kicked in, and simple grinned up at her."I'm sorry Scully, but I was completely defenseless!The boy was unrelenting in his attacks!I fear what may have resulted had you not interfered when you had!"

"Fox!"

Uh oh…Wincing under the heat of a Scully glare and the use of his much hated first name, Mulder slowly came to his feet in front of her, bowing his head when they were eye level.Silently thankful that he was a bit taller then her-a trait that allowed avoidance of those piercing pupils-he smiled apologetically, then proceeded to quietly follow her out of the kitchen only to redress.

It took a bit longer then expected, mostly because Scully had decided dressing was a good time to vent her annoyance at him (plus a bit of the old setting a good example speech) and because removing the clothing without allowing the mush his son had left behind touch his skin was quite a feat to accomplish.

Eventually he made it back to the kitchen where Scully was wiping William's mouth and doing other motherly whatnot.He listened in for a few moments on their babbled exchange, then moved forward to clean up the rest as Scully left, her infamous glare plastered dangerously upon her face.

The sight of his father cleaning, a rare sight as it was, sent little Will into a giggling frenzy.Annoyed, Mulder looked up and mock-glared at his son, slowly walking over to face the little brat.

Taking a moment, he studied the infantile, plump features and reasoned that it had to be some kind of conspiracy; he looked and acted far too much like Scully.

Muttering under his breath, he made his way down to the child's eye level, glaring for a moment before saying, "You won this time, buddy, but don't expect me to go easy on you next time.As they say, you may have won the battle, but there's still a war to be won!"Mulder turned away, huffing, figuring that he'd done his disciplinary duty for a day.Unfortunately, missed the poised spoon in his son's hand.

He didn't even make it out the kitchen door…

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Eh?Yay?Nay?I'm not too good with humor, so please be a bit gentle.This is my first real attempt at humor…Oi, I've got to work on it.


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